I’m real…I’m raw

This entry is about my pain.  We all experience pain.  To be honest, I would much rather deal with physical pain than emotional pain.  Any way, I’ll share this with you.

My Pain

I have once heard it said, that you should not write from a place of pain.

Well, I guess I should not write at all.  Because pain is all I feel right now.

Pain so deep that I cannot comprehend…why I am still here.

I feel the need to share; to let others know.  The pain is real.

Sometimes all I have is silence.  Sometimes I mask the pain.

Sometimes it is written all over my face.

Sometimes I feed it, breathe it, and sometimes I cannot bear it.

This pain…sometimes I do not think I can carry it.

Sometimes I am numb to it.  I do not feel it.  Sometimes I wonder; God? Why don’t you steal it?

Away.  This pain…just make it go…away.

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Maya The Great! (In Memory of Dr. Maya Angelou)

This post is dedicated to Maya Angelou.  I never had the honor of meeting her but she was definitely an inspiration.  Just hearing her speak made me want to write down all of my thoughts.  I felt that maybe one day I would write something that the whole world would want to read, just as she did.  I could sit and listen to Maya’s poems…hanging on every word.  There’s no denying the lady was brilliant.  She overcame so much in her life and became something so great.  She has left a mark on my life because now I am crazy enough to believe that I can be great too.  Dr. Maya Angelou, may you rest in peace!

To Do List

My “to do” list consists of a variety of things.  Things that seem necessary to remember at the time.  Get the oil changed in the car.  Put the empty water bottles out.  Check the mail.  Pay the bills.  Go to the grocery store.  Make a hair appointment.  Take son to get a haircut.  Put in for time off at work.  Reschedule meeting with child’s teacher.  Water plants (they are dying).  Finish craft project.

These are just some of the things on my list, but one day I added three things right in the middle of my list that caught me off guard. Continue reading

When I figure it out…

Sitting here… feeling frustrated with the direction in which my life is going.  I just can’t figure it (life) out.  How many people have figured it out? We can receive advice but who really has all of the answers? I keep telling myself that one day I will figure it out.  Some days I feel the answers to all the questions in my life are close to being answered.  But suddenly I find myself back at square one.  Just because I haven’t figured it all out does not mean that I don’t have anything to give; my vision is just not as clear as it once was.  I feel out of place but I will not veer off of the path I am on.  I just happen to be going through a rough patch, but things will get better.  So I guess that is my message to you (if it applies).  I don’t think any one person will ever completely figure life out, but maybe things will become clear and work out in the end.  Inhale.  Exhale.  Smile : )

Jump In!

You didn’t get off on the wrong foot.  You are not a failure.  It’s not too late.  Keep the faith.  Don’t give up.  Everything will be alright.  Take a leap of faith.  Follow your heart.  Live your dreams.  Jump in! Even the best of the best make mistakes.  Nobody is perfect.  Everyone has doubted themselves at one time or another.  You can’t give up on yourself.  Please don’t.  Take one day at a time.  This is simple, but I am sure that someone needs to hear this.  Jump in! You don’t realize how great you are now but you have to keep pushing to find out.  You can be as good as the greatest if you jump into your purpose and follow through.  I’m jumping in and following through with my dreams.  I will not quit.  I will not allow temporary discomfort to permanently cancel my destiny and you shouldn’t either.  Jump in!

Life Picture

Sometimes we give people unlimited access to our lives, our journey and our endeavors.  It may be time to terminate their contract, even if you have to pay a termination fee.  What does that mean?  Sometimes we feel obligated to be in unhealthy relationships and situations.  We have a hard time letting go of people and things for whatever reason.

It is almost like coming to an end of a contract and trying to decide if you want to renew or not.  Once you sign on the dotted line you are stuck for another period of your life.  Of course you have the option of termination but it will cost you what you are not willing to pay, so you remain under contract.

Who or what is in your life picture? Some people stand back, looking at and admiring your life; waiting for an opportunity to slip themselves into your life picture.  If you never pictured them there, don’t let them in.  If you do, later on you will find yourself looking at your life picture and seeing something out of place.  Then you will find yourself trying to weed out all of the things and people that were never meant to be there in the first place.

We will all have our life pictures unknowingly altered at some point.  It is how quickly you notice and work to restore it to its original condition that will make all the difference.  What you get in return, peace of mind, freedom and functionality, is well worth it.